And by “the outside world” I mean all the non-lolita people who feel entitled to stare, comment, question, and even photograph you without your consent. You know, those weirdos.
This list is by no means complete, so add more!
Staring: One of the quickest ways to end the most common form of entitlement people seem to think they have is to make eye contact. Most people will look down in embarrassment. If that doesn’t work, though, or if they keep doing it whenever you look away, try these:
- Glare, like you mean it.
- On the flipside (if you’re in a good mood, if it doesn’t seem creepy to you, or if it’s a kid), smile! If none of the above applies, make it a creepy smile.
- Pull a face. (No, really.)
- “Can I help you?”
- Hit them with a greeting. For some reason even this basic acknowledgement can freak out your standard Hungry Eyes. Waving boosts this effect.
- If you’re on public transportation, always bring headphones or a book, or both. (Like Momoko.) Sometimes it’s easier to just distract yourself than engage.
“Are you in a play?”: Why are people asking this? What stage actor would go shopping or out to lunch in their costume? You can answer this seriously if you like, but doing so usually will get you bogged down explaining lolita fashion and answering even more questions. It’s your choice!
Other common questions include: “Who are you supposed to be?” “Where are you going?” “Okay, so what’s this all about?” “Where are you from?”
- “Yes, the play is called ‘Are You In a Play?’” Alternatively, use whatever nonsense title you like. Bob Saget on Ice is a favorite of mine.
- “We’re a street gang.”
- “Who are you supposed to be?”
- “We’re just hanging out.”
- “We’re from THE MOON!” <—I actually used this once.
- “Here, where are you from?”
- Don’t answer at all. Keep walking. If anyone in your group does stop to answer, they’ll get an easy out by saying “Oh, my friends are way ahead, I have to go catch up!”
“It’s not Halloween!”: A lot of people don’t ask questions. Instead, they just yell their shitty opinions whether you want to hear them or not! Depending on your situation—time of day, whether you’re alone or not—it may be best to ignore hecklers and harassers, especially the drunk ones. (Drunk people seem to be extraordinarily drawn to lolitas, including trying to touch; run away from them! They’re drunk and trying to touch you, you don’t care about their feelings.) However, if you’re feeling fed up and not putting yourself in danger by speaking up, don’t bottle it up! You don’t have to take people’s shit just because you’re fancier than the average bear. Don’t ever listen to people who tell you that you have to take it for looking different in public. If you’re stuck, try some of these:
- “Then why are you dressed as an asshole?”
- “I’m sorry that you’re jealous.”
- “What, you don’t like my outfit?” If they actually say no, tell them you’re sorry that they have such terrible taste.
- “Can I help you? Do you have something to say to me?” Be confrontational. (But stay safe!) If you don’t have to cross the street, walk over to them. They made their bed; now you’re coming to shit in it.
- “Fuck you, I’M A PRINCESS!” Effectiveness may vary. I actually said this to some “halloween already passed” detractors combined with a stomp and an angry face and they shut up.
- If you’re in a group of lolitas, everybody can point and laugh at the asshole at the same time.
- An important tip for dealing with assholes: Always be confident. Wavering or obvious defensiveness can sometimes encourage them to harass you further, and while this is in no way your fault, it’s not fun to deal with, either.
Photographers: Some people think they’re at fucking didney worl and you’re the resident mascot. They’ll take your picture without your consent, or ask to take a photo with you, or just ask to photograph you in general. With the last two, you have every right to say yes or no—it’s your choice! If you find it flattering or fun, go ahead. If you don’t feel like it, however, don’t feel pressured. Especially when it comes to people taking photos with you, and the person just starts looping their arms in yours—don’t feel like you’re not allowed to tell them they cannot touch you. Nobody is entitled to you! If you catch someone taking photos of you, try these:
- Make eye contact and talk loudly (if you’re in a group, obviously) about how SOME ASSHOLE is photographing you.
- Take a photo of them in return. Act like you’re on a six flags safari or something, for bonus points.
- Ruin their photos.
- Straight up tell them “Don’t take pictures without asking.” If they apologize and then ask if they can take your picture, it’s up to you but I recommend saying no. They already have photos that they’re unlikely to erase, and they need to learn that they can’t have everything they want, i.e. access to you.
- Please, please do not steal their cameras. This is counter-productive.
Again, if anyone has any suggestions to add, please do!
I’M IN A STREET GANG
I’M FROM THE GODDAMN MOON